18 Ways to be Aware of Your Accountability
If you’re interested in becoming aware of how you can be accountable for treating people respectfully and equitably, please see the suggestions below to acknowledge what you have said or done and what to avoid or what to do.
Realize that having a friend of color or dating someone of color doesn’t mean you can’t engage in discriminatory behavior and it doesn’t excuse you if you do engage in such behavior.
Know that an individual or group does not represent or speak for all members of that race, gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation, religion, etc.
When sharing a story about someone, notice if you mention their race, sexual orientation, or age, etc. and if you do, does that person’s social identity have anything to do with the story?
Avoid bringing up ways you have witnessed racism to people of color, or xenophobia to Muslims, homophobia to people who identify as LGBTQ+, or other forms of discrimination to people related to a specific social identity. Realize that there are other topics you can discuss and they don’t need to keep being reminded of what they experience most often daily.
Recognize if you can find comfort in being around people who don’t look like you or don’t act/talk/think in ways that you are familiar with.
Understand that no one’s race makes us genetically predisposed for being pure or evil, inferior or superior. It’s a social construct. We human beings created a hierarchy and beliefs of others’ abilities and value. A person’s race has no correlation with an individual’s morality, intelligence, trustworthiness, or any other attributes used to determine someone’s value.
Be willing to be challenged in your believed innocence, authority, and centrality (the quality of being essential or of the greatest importance).
Know your truth is not universal.
Realize that no one should have to submit to your belief of being inherently deserving of racial comfort, such as having to adjust their speech and looks to what you deem presentable, professional, or normal in order to make you comfortable.
No one should have to hold their tongue when wanting to address discrimination in order to not rock the boat and keep you comfortable.
No one should have to hide or assimilate, i.e. suppress their cultural identity for you to be comfortable. We don’t need anyone’s permission to exist and we shouldn’t face consequences when showing up as our authentic selves with respect to our culture and heritage.
Avoid asking for ocular proof when your friend, colleague, or loved one share their story of experiencing discrimination. If you ask for statistical data and scholarly articulated facts to prove injustices are taking place, you're dismissing and negating what they and others experience because you don't agree, believe, or understand they've had experiences. You're also diminishing and invalidating their pain. Instead of needing to be provided with proof to convince you to care, ask yourself why you don’t.
If you get defensive when someone is sharing how they’ve been marginalized, discriminated against, or oppressed, even though they are not talking about you, why? If you do not participate in emotionally, mentally, and physically attacking others, then why feel the need to defend yourself or make excuses for those who do? Are you thinking about what the information says about you and your sense of self? Are you assessing whether or not you agree with what they’re saying? Are you refusing to acknowledge privileges and entitlement behavior? Are you thinking about the other struggles people face regarding other facets of our identities? Are you thinking about your own hardships? Instead of evaluating their experience, comparing adversities, or assessing if you agree, listen with empathy, listen with the goal of understanding and focusing on their lived experience, and recognize how they feel. No one should be debating with anyone, especially a friend, that their life is being devalued and they are indeed experiencing inequities and injustices.
When your friend or colleague expresses ways you have offended them, don’t interpret accountability as an attack. See this exchange as a way to understand and use the information to build a more considerate and civil relationship.
If you want to be an activist, know that activism has many facets. It’s marching, signing petitions, volunteering with and/or making donations to organizations that support social justice.
Activism is voting. Be conscious of your vote for representatives that are disrupting or upholding social justice.
Activism is supporting businesses owned by people who experience marginalization by purchasing products and services, leaving positive reviews, following them on social media, telling friends and associates about their company.
Activism is promoting equity so that everyone is given what they need to be successful.